Is it Me or something else??

Lately, for the past few days, I've been feeling extremely awkward. Terrible mood swings is probably the right way to put it. Usually the mornings are extremely nice. I'm in a good mood all day long, joking around with everyone. No matter what jokes a person passes, it never used to hurt however morbid they would be. I used to enjoy making fun of myself and others every now and then.

Nothing around me has changed. Life is the same as it used to be. On the contrary there are a couple of extremely good events which have taken place which should have made me feel good.

But for past 10 days things are extremely unpleasant. Mornings are extremely dull to the extent that I don't feel good about myself. I have been avoiding any communication with my folks just so that they don't get upset. Don't want to discuss this with them either as they are dealing with larger issues. Another reason is that I might say something unpleasant which might hurt them, the last thing I'd want to do. So I chose to stay away from them till the time this phase passes by.

Friends are the best help in such situations is what I've experienced in the past. But this time its different. The jokes are not funny any more. There are these silent pauses with friends which sometimes extend for a few minutes. There are absolutely no thoughts in the mind to speak of. It is completely numb. Another reason for the silence being not to sour relations by saying something which the person might not like. I try to crack jokes but it just doesn't happen. Earlier jokes along the same lines would carry on for long but now would wither away in no time as they didn't feel humoured at all.

Better option is to go back home (the thought of which gives shivers) instead of spoiling the other persons mood. Get online and chat with buddies who might make me feel good. But except for a couple of buddies, it felt as if everyone else is just bugging me. I tried to maintain my composure to the maximum possible extent but it had to snap if anyone would rub it in. And one day it happened. Shooed away a friend just because I felt he was bugging me. I felt bad about it but not sorry. Proper warnings were put in place which were ignored. Even worse was that I started getting scared of talking to some of them, the same friends with whom I used to have loads of fun. Except a couple of friends no one else could make me smile. The worst time was a weekend after which I really thanked God for not letting one of my best buddies to be online else even I don't know what would've happened. But to my surprise it was not just me. Quite a few people were feeling the same that weekend.

The most important thing to do was to find the reason for this feeling. I haven't found one as yet. The more I think of it the more mystifying it gets. I try to stop thinking about it but it doesn't help for the simple reason being that there is no reason for such a feeling.

I've never believed in Astrology. But the other day one of my buddy referred me to a phenomenon called Mercury Retrograde. Due to lack of belief in it I didn't read much into it but the effects mentioned were quite similar to the events occurring. I still would categorise myself as a non-believer but I did find it interesting. Another thing that intrigued me was that I found people having the same dull and lonely feeling, were all Cancerians. It could be sheer co-incidence or the effects of a celestial event.

Its getting better though. I am coming back to my normal self, which apparently is a good feeling. But still subtle traces still remain viz. being scared to talk to a few people. One good thing which has come out of this is that I've come to know who has the ability to judge my mood and have the capability to adapt accordingly. Maybe I'm wrong here....I wish I was, but this is what I feel.

I thank my friends who made me smile in this tough phase, even if it was for a second. I really appreciate it and would never forget this kind gesture. If I have hurt anyone during this phase, I'm really sorry for it and my apologies for being a jerk. But I really wasn't myself. Hope you understand.

When will it stop???

'IT' has happened again. No matter what we try, no matter what we do, 'IT' would just keep coming back again and again. The situation keeps getting worse day by day. I've taken tough stance in order to save myself but I'm not sure how long will I be able to hold it. Letting it lose shall be a disaster for everyone. The tighter I hold, the more it hurts. The dilemma is eating me inside out.

If I be selfish, it'll hurt people I love more than anything else in this world. If I make a compromise I shall be doing injustice . All the aspects have been thought over and discussed time and again, but in vain. The wounds are now getting deeper and fresh ones just keep piling up. I'm not sure what my next step shall be. I just hope it is not extreme.

I am not able to find a solution. Not even the slightest ray of hope. I want to erupt. I have been containing myself for quite some time now. Don't know how long I can hold on. Just hope I don't do it at the wrong time to the wrong person.

I wish I could end this right now. But then as I have started looking at 'IT' as a test of time and my courage. But courage would be worthless once the harm has been done. Also the longer it takes, the worse it gets.

If asked what shall I do? My answer would be "I have no clue". Just praying for 'IT' to STOP.

Fact or Fiction

Men are jerks, Women are psychotic.

So what if its OLD....

So what if my camera is a bit old. It can still take some very good snaps :)

Click on the image and see it for yourself.

Nice Evening Ride

After a long day at work yesterday I decided to take my Bullet for a ride. Its been long since I last rode it but. It took a while to start it as it had been standing for quite a few months. It did take a few kicks before I took a break. Started wondering whether it was DEAD. It was evening and wouldn't be easy to find a mechanic at this hour and I had to go on a drive. So, finally thought of trying it again and suddenly it roared into life but with huge amounts of smoke. Idled it for a few minutes till the smoky exhaust returned back to normal and the oil stopped dripping. The joy, the pleasure, the fun of owning a bullet comes at a price.

Now as the its alive and ready to roll a quick pit stop at the fuel station. A quick fill and off to the highway. No helmets as I wanted to feel the wind in my hair. Cruising down the highway at a steady pace of 40 ~ 50 kmph and the constant thumping of the bullet. There is nothing compared to this kind of ride. I've been on long and very long drives in the car. Cruised at constant speeds, taken my car to the limits. But nothing compares to the Bullet. Blokes speeding past on their mopeds (Pulsars, Splendors etc). The constant thumping music is the only thing in my ears. The smooth ride when speeds are around 50 is incomparable to anything. As the speed increases to around 70 kmph, the Bullet gets even more stable and manageable. It just sticks to the tarmac without moving away from the line. Its so planted that small potholes and undulations of the road are just non existent for it.

After about 50 kms of riding the city traffic welcomed me. Honking going all over. People cutting across to save a few seconds. But nothing bothered me. I was more than happy with my ride and would go for another one soon. This one will definitely be longer, much longer I should say.

Fun @ Festival: Don't Think So...

The festival of Uttarayan also known as Makar Sankranti is just round the corner. Everyone is pouring on the road side vendors selling kites and other required accessories for the festival. As everyone wants the "manja" to be better than everyone else's so as the keep the kite up in the air for as long as possible, personally getting is made is always a better option. Some quality is assured by doing so.

Every year there is some or the other theme on which kites are made. So, I visited one of the shops just to check out the different themes on which kites are being sold this year. It was Mr. Narendra Modi, of course The Nano and the recent Mumbai Blast for which kites depicting peace on our planet.

Hold on, A kite representing peace. Now that is some kind of an irony. Every one thinks that by getting the kite of this kind passes on the message of peace to everyone. But no one gives a thought to how much damage it causes. Not just to the birds but to humans also. No, its worse than what people actually think. Two wheeler riders and pillions have been getting hurt by the threads dangling across the road for years now. In the worst case scenario deaths used to occur but used to be rare. People used to break their bones falling from roof tops for which we cannot blame the festival and neither am I doing that. But its the recent trend which is worrying a bit.

Everyone wants to keep the kite in the air for the longest possible time and cut as many kites as possible creating personal best records. In a race achieving this feat, Chinese imported threads have now become a rage in the market. Why? Because they use artificial nylon fibres which are practically indestructible for things like these. Now that is what I call a thread. I can go on rampage and clear the entire sky in my area and be a dude. But there is a flip side to it which has a gruesome reality.

One female was going to attend her English classes as she was to leave to the U.S. to meet her parents. One of my employee knew her via a common friend. Two superpowers of the sky had just finished their dog fight with one winning it and the loser's thread was dangling across the road. Now this thread is like a Samurai sword. She could not see it and went right across it. It slit her throat wide open right there itself. Dead on the spot. Now her parents would be visiting her.

And then we have kites spreading message of peace in the world. Is this the kind of peace we are looking at? I surely don't want one.

Why do people want to be invincible in the air? Rather than enjoying the festival it has turned more into a fight. I am surely not going to have fun with someones life. The government should ban such imports, and more than that its our moral responsibility. Why always blame the government for everything that happens. People should come forward and refuse to buy these threads.

I pray that the incident was the first and the last one.

Run Vicky Run...

Busy Busy....

Life has been too busy these days. Firstly the Bangalore trip then had to make a visit to Agra. There also had to keep on running all day long for a week. So many relatives and am expected to meet everyone. Miss one it gets categorised as being rude.

Last few days have been very very hectic. As per historical record when problems come they come from all directions. All systems everywhere somehow stop working at the same time. Everyone is in an emergency as always. Multiple people calling for different problems at the same time.

Well, it's all part and parcel of the game. Have to accept it the way it is.

Have been sleeping for 4 ~ 5 hours in the night for more than a week now which has started taking its toll now. Am feeling so sleepy that the part of the brain being used for logical analysis has now stopped working.

Thankfully tomorrow onwards the load will be reduced considerably.